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Post by Aedh on Mar 18, 2011 13:48:10 GMT -5
Inspired by many encounters with bureaucrats, jobsworths, Jacks-in-office, and other B-Ark types, I have decided for entertainment and instruction to begin a thread for doubletalk--common phrases used by official types to say one thing while seeming to mean the opposite.
Examples:
"We'll look into it" = We won't look into it.
"An investigation has been launched" = A cover-up has been launched.
"The matter is expedited" = someone may actually pay attention to this in a few months.
Feel free to put in your own.
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Post by Beefie on Mar 18, 2011 15:57:42 GMT -5
"The cheques in the post" Does that count?  |
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Post by Aedh on Mar 20, 2011 9:23:41 GMT -5
"The cheques in the post" Does that count? Great!! Especially considering the state of the mails in Britain these days: |
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Post by Aedh on Mar 20, 2011 9:29:18 GMT -5
"A public office is a public trust." = Warning: I am about to do something unusually hypocritical.
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Post by invisiblescientist on Mar 20, 2011 10:35:31 GMT -5
"An investigation has been launched" = A cover-up has been launched. Very true... In fact, it also means that the ones who have asked too many questions have jeopardized their careers (this is the most optimistic outcome for them.) |
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Post by Aedh on Mar 21, 2011 6:56:56 GMT -5
"Your application is being processed" = Your application has been lost.
"Not everyone qualifies" = You don't qualify.
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Post by Lightfighter on Mar 22, 2011 12:36:20 GMT -5
Kind of off, but still a good one.
'No purchase necessary. Details inside.'
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Post by Lightfighter on Mar 24, 2011 6:17:41 GMT -5
'We're exploring all the options' - We're going to do whatever we want.
'We'll still be in a support role' - We're going to back off and let the whole thing collapse.
'We're coordinating with all of our other partners.' - We're in charge because everyone else wants nothing to do with this decision, or because all of our partners are dumb.
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Post by Aedh on Mar 24, 2011 9:52:48 GMT -5
This one has no translation but it's prime gibberish:
"Offer void where prohibited."
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Post by Aedh on Mar 24, 2011 9:58:15 GMT -5
"We're behind you 100%" = If you succeed we we'll share credit, but if you fail, we never heard of you.
"This is dependent on funding" = Abandon all hope.
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