Sentience - fan fiction

[lian]

After some gentle nudging by cleric Jay, you can now find my first attempt at Equilibrium fan fiction at
lianslair.wordpress.com/

(Sorry for the inconvenience of putting the fic on an external blog. This is just to make editing & revising more comfortable for me.)

I would love to hear what you think - good or bad.

[invisiblescientist]

Very well written and descriptive. You should continue writing this alternate history of Libria.

[lian]

Thank you. I am glad to hear you liked the first scene.

I just got scenes 2-9 back from my beta. I will put them online once I have worked the edits in. So there is more to come.

[lian]

Scene 2 is online.

[lian]

Part 3 is online - a short action scene.

lianslair.wordpress.com/2009/10/27/scene-3/

[MistressOfLibria]

Hi there :-)
I have to agree that it is well written as I am not so good myself in my little Attempts of writing storys. The only sad Thing for me as a huge Fan of Dupont is that I did have to read it was after he died. Must renember to think out a "What if" Story :-)

[lian]

Hi MoL. Thank you for taking the time to comment. It is nice to hear that you like my writing.

I am afraid there will indeed be next to nothing in this storyline for Dupont Fans, sorry.

So, indeed, go ahead and write a "what if Dupont survived" story. I am curious to see how you make him survive Preston's attack. Although, if I remember correctly, Preston does not linger on the scene to watch him draw his last breath... ;-)

[lian]

Scene 4 is online. Some more exposition and Anna throwing down the gauntlet...

[invisiblescientist]

Nov 6, 2009 14:46:43 GMT -5 lian said:

Scene 4 is online. Some more exposition and Anna throwing down the gauntlet...

Very interesting development of the story. Next time we shall see how Anna and Preston will behave when the confiscated EC-10 materials are brought. Excellent.

In the future, you can make a very long and detailed philosophical version of Equilibrium
for Television, with more conversations and philosophical discussions instead of expensive
special effects. For instance, note that the original uncut version of Das Boot was
293 minutes long, which is astounding, but barely enough to cover the entire story:
www.amazon.com/Das-Boot-Original-Uncut-Version/dp/B0001XAOLQ/

[lian]

Thank you for your comment. There will be a slight detour of a few scenes before the EC-10 materials are brought up again. Anna still has so many questions about the background situation. And Preston is going to find out that she does not need any prohibited accessories to spread the spirit of sense offense.

It is good to read that my texts inspire ideas for an extended Equilibrium TV version. Although I don't know that I have such ambitions. I am content to stick with the written (or typed ) word.
You correctly perceive that this story will explore the clashing worldviews further through dialogue and character interaction. Although I intend to at least sprinkle it with action scenes to lighten things up and keep the spirit of the original movie.

Actually, I have never seen Das Boot, since I usually avoid the war movie genre and submarine movies make me feel slightly claustrophobic. But since so many people recommend it, I will remember to watch the extended version when it next screens over here.

[lian]

Scenes 5-7 are online.

Those scenes would in all probability be culled for a professional story for the sake of more stringent plot development. But since we need not be concerned with such constraints here, we can have Preston suffer through lots of irrational, impish sense offender behaviour...

[lian]

Two more new scenes are online.

[invisiblescientist]

This is becoming interesting. In the 9th scene, there is a similarity with Fahrenheit 451, as the Resistance people are memorizing the texts in order to preserve them even after the books are burned:

lianslair.wordpress.com/2010/01/03/scene-9/#more-107

EXCERPT: “My task is to remember what we still know of life before Libria. We memorize history, customs, stories and songs, so they can be passed on among those who care even after the last book is burned.” Anna looked Preston in the eye. “You have chosen your opponent for this experiment well, cleric.”

However, Anna is giving away a big secret, and this can be used against the Resistance. She should not have said it, to make Tetragrammaton think that by burning the books they can suppress people's ability to feel.

[lian]

Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing.

I confess my ignorance of Fahrenheit 451. I know what it is about but I have not read it. I remember in the advanced English courses in school either "Brave New World" or "Fahrenheit" was worked through, and I was in a "Brave New World" course. So thank you for pointing out that reference.

And yes, I absolutely agree, it is a stupid thing for Anna to talk so freely about what she does at the Haven. But, well, she is frightened, exhausted and alone. Feeling challenged on so many levels, she is probably in need of a little self-affirmation. Actually, I know very few people that can resist the opportunity to expand a little on a competence they perceive as important to their self-worth even in a day-to-day conversation.
So I like to think it is a rather plausible mistake for Anna to reveal more than is wise or prudent. (Apart from me wanting to tell the reader a bit more about her background, of course )

On the other hand, the idea to preserve prohibited material through memorizing it seems pretty obvious, maybe even to someone numbed by Prozium. Anna has already been interrogated, so maybe she might rationalize her behaviour by suggesting that the Tetragrammaton probably knows it anyway, as Preston obviously knows something about her role at the Haven.
Also, by this point, sense offenders in Libria are executed without trial or shot on sight as per DuPonts directive. So even if that information was really new to the Tetragrammaton, what could they do with it that they are not already doing anyway?

[Aedh]

Will get on and read this, I promise!

[Mirabilis]

I finally found time to catch up on this - fascinating and very well written!

[Aedh]

Jan 4, 2010 15:32:27 GMT -5 Mirabilis said:

I finally found time to catch up on this - fascinating and very well written!

Hear, hear! ;D

[lian]

Glad to hear you like it.

After being stalled for a while I had a little creative burst after the Holidays and there are three more scenes with my beta right now. So I hope to post them soon.

[clericjay]

Jan 6, 2010 6:54:36 GMT -5 lian said:

Glad to hear you like it.

After being stalled for a while I had a little creative burst after the Holidays and there are three more scenes with my beta right now. So I hope to post them soon.

Damn! Too less time to read your story, though I'm very interested in it...

[clericjay]

I've read your story so far, finally and I'm glad I did. ;D

It's obvious that you write your story from what you feel while imagining it, because the story is minimalistic, but interesting to me as well, because your basic idea is fascinating somehow.
These little scenes work well and respond on an emotional level indeed, very well done.

I'm curious how Preston became to turn back to his cleric-life, which is nearly unimaginable after watching the movie, but I'm sure you do have a surprising point for us.

What impressed me most nevertheless your enjoyable style of writing is how well your language is, impressive actually.
Don't you come from Germany like I do? Where and how did you study to be able to use English so well?
You're on a higher level then I am in this matter, I should learn some more...

_{Though my story (MoF) isn't really comparable to yours, they aim at different effects.}