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Post by MistressOfLibria on Oct 28, 2009 18:51:17 GMT -5
After thinking all of this over I have decided to do a complete make over of this story. I am sorry if there where Bits missing and this is due to me not being good in writing. Thanks to all of you and your suggestions I know now what I did wrong and will now overwrite bits and pieces. So watch this Space :-)
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Post by invisiblescientist on Oct 28, 2009 20:22:45 GMT -5
After thinking all of this over I have decided to do a complete make over of this story. I am sorry if there where Bits missing and this is due to me not being good in writing. Thanks to all of you and your suggestions I know now what I did wrong and will now overwrite bits and pieces. So watch this Space :-) Agnetha, Actually this is a very good story, and it has great potential. The intensity of the whole context is fascinating. The unconditional love of Cleric Wehrer for this tyrant is a very daring subject and, you should definitely pursue it in much greater detail. Good luck! You can also make the story a lot more mystical and metaphysical, especially the love between Wehrer and Dupont, the way they communicate indirectly... And by the way, it is possible that Dupont had a double who was sacrificed to Preston in the Palace and, maybe the real Dupont is still alive and well. After all, even Saddam Hussein had doubles to survive assassination attempts.
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Post by Aedh on Oct 29, 2009 0:41:13 GMT -5
I wish to add my expression of encouragement for what you wrote so far. I hope you did not take it down because you felt no one would like it. And by the way, it is possible that Dupont had a double who was sacrificed to Preston in the Palace and, maybe the real Dupont is still alive and well. After all, even Saddam Hussein had doubles to survive assassination attempts. That scenario has been explored ... I won't say just where as it constitutes a spoiler but it is on a fanfic here. That is not to say that no one should do it again. On the contrary I am classically minded, which means what I enjoy is precisely seeing good scenarios and plots being redone and redone in new ways.
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Post by MistressOfLibria on Oct 29, 2009 5:00:07 GMT -5
Thank you both for your good minded Comments, it brought me to think again: Should I make little Miniseries to eloberate the "missing Bits"? Or should I rewrite the existing Chapters adding what lian questioned?
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Post by invisiblescientist on Oct 29, 2009 21:37:45 GMT -5
Actually, the original version was very good because despite missing details, there was a lot of creativity. Moreover, the substance of your story was so unusually intense and sincere that these qualities more than compensate for the usual errors like grammar etc. The world is full of people who have a perfect command of the English language, but in many cases what they write has no substance or creativity. The way you started the story with a dream was also wonderful.
I would recommend that you should immediately start writing your new stories about the adventures of the White Cleric. And if you want, only when you have extra time, you can also rewrite the initial version, but without worrying about it too much.
Here are a few ideas for your future stories about the White Cleric: --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- FIRST VERSION: After Dupont is dead, the White Cleric becomes irreversibly determined to take her revenge from the Resistance responsible for the death of her idol. Wehner would then start repressing her emotions, as she can never fall in love again, and her entire life is focused on revenge (as in the Titus movie!). She now has only one emotion that she cannot control: her hatred of the Resistance. Meanwhile, after the revolution in Libria, the inexperienced Resistance members do not know anything about administration, and the whole city collapses into corruption, chaos, and hedonism, leading to fragmentation, gang warfare, etc... As a result, the White Cleric is able to organize a new anti-Resistance conservative group that gradually starts gaining ground, and popularity. Wehner starts hunting the Resistance government members and, because she is a former sense offender, she knows how to gain the confidence of Resistance members, and she can therefore infiltrate their revolutionary government (she temporarily gets rid of her white coat.) Perhaps in the first part of your story, for the time period when Dupont was alive, you can perhaps draw inspiration from MacBeth, where Wehrer would force Dupont to grab power, but after Dupont is killed by the resistance, the revenge part of your story might be inspired by Titus. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SECOND VERSION: When Cleric Wehner initially falls in love with Dupont, she knows that Dupont is evil, but she wants to believe that she can change him and make him a better person. Wehner thinks that she can convince Dupont to allow Librians at least some limited personal freedom, to have at least some positive emotions like love. (So far only some very basic emotions such as the fear of death are allowed by the Tetragrammaton, since the fear of being executed, as well as the brainwashed feelings to make them dependent on the government ideology, are useful for Tetragrammaton to control Libria.) But the avaricious Dupont refuses to accede to the demands of Wehner, and he still has a heart of stone. As a result, Wehner makes a secret deal with the Resistance, and she agrees to help them overthrow Tetragrammaton and Dupont, but only on one condition: After the revolution, the Resistance would not give Dupont (whom she loves) the death penalty, and that they would only keep him under house arrest, so that Wehner can live with Dupont peacefully after the Resistance comes to power. But the Resistance leaders do not keep their promises after Wehner helps them overthrow Tetragrammaton (by telling them how to enter the Palace by using secret underground tunnels) and, after the revolution, when the Resistance people come to power, they brutally execute Dupont (in front of Wehner.) In addition, it turns out that the Resistance members gradually become corrupt and, as a result, Libria soon collapses and becomes totally chaotic, engulfed by hedonism, gang warfare, crime, etc. After being betrayed by the Resistance and losing Dupont, Wehner is overwhelmed with a bitter hatred for the Resistance. She re-organizes a new counter-revolutionary faction of the remaining Tetragrammaton officers, and she starts hunting down the Resistance leaders. She suppresses all her emotions, except her immutable hatred of the Resistance. Will she succeed in her endeavors to bring the Tetragrammaton back to power? Once again, while the revolution is bloody as in MacBeth, Wehner's revenge would be very extreme as in Titus.
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Post by MistressOfLibria on Oct 30, 2009 4:26:23 GMT -5
Very good Suggestions of yours :-) I like the first Version better then the second. Mentioning the Movie Titus (which I have now watched a few Times) I am not sure if I can poossibly put in something like a second Dream of Claric Wehner. Something like Lucius apearing in my Dream warning me that the Resistence is about to kill Dupont and that I should get to him at once. When I get to his office the Members are already there and where awaiting me. Then the kill Dupont in Front of me and laughing loud as to say : See what we do with your Love and you could not do anything about it. And then maybe I can put something like it that I kill the original Members but the others who where with the Gang are not in the Office and I have to hunt them down as well.
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Post by invisiblescientist on Oct 30, 2009 22:18:38 GMT -5
I am glad that you have been studying the Titus Andronicus story in such detail. All the actors in that movie are very talented. But Titus was just for the revenge part of the story after Wehrer loses Dupont. But for the beginning of your story before Dupont dies, here are some scenes of Polanski's adaptation of MacBeth. This is the bloodiest and most brutal version of all Macbeth movies. The sinister castle of Macbeth in the movie, could be the Palace of Dupont... Here are some scenes from Polanski's version of Macbeth (1971): www.youtube.com/watch?v=IS_tehAt-9Q&feature=relatedAnd here is a scene with Lady Macbeth (Cleric Wehner) sleepwalking and dreaming in the movie: www.youtube.com/watch?v=4X8IgWWKpVw&feature=relatedMacbeth (Dupont) assassinates the King (Father) to take his place. He does this to please Lady Macbeth (Cleric Wehrer): www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Xb-rm9uwxQWhen MacBeth(Dupont) is facing his enemies (The Resistance), Lady MacBeth (Cleric Wehrer) is urging him to remain courageous: www.youtube.com/watch?v=irIPrZ4ulPQ&feature=relatedFinally the Resistance attacks the castle of Macbeth (Dupont's palace) and Macduff (Preston) kills Macbeth (Dupont): www.youtube.com/watch?v=YOp-t5akdWQMy theory is that Father did not die from natural causes, but just as Macbeth killed the king to take his place (to please his wife Lady Macbeth), Dupont actually murdered the Father to become the tyrant of Libria (in order to please Cleric Wehner!) Thus Macbeth can also be adapted to your story, or some version of it...
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Post by MistressOfLibria on Oct 31, 2009 8:10:44 GMT -5
I have just put on the first Bit of my new Storys and I hope it is ok. I will be greatful for your all Critic. it is posted in the Thread:" The tales of the white Cleric" in the same Section as this Thread is. Have Fun reading.
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Post by Striker on May 12, 2010 8:34:09 GMT -5
I have no idea where to post this, as I found the Main Forum Index mostly unhelpful. I was only looking to place that I was new here and had some questions. My sincere apologies if this is the wrong section. Kindly point me in the proper one if it is not. Anyhow, I have not seen many posts that are.... recent. Is this site outdated and run down? I watched Equilibrium for the first time a day ago, and like so many others, fell under its Spell. So here I am. However, I am trying to find an "active" community. Perhaps I am only looking in the wrong spots here? So much seems months and years old.
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Post by Mirabilis on May 12, 2010 12:10:46 GMT -5
I have no idea where to post this, as I found the Main Forum Index mostly unhelpful. I was only looking to place that I was new here and had some questions. My sincere apologies if this is the wrong section. Kindly point me in the proper one if it is not. Anyhow, I have not seen many posts that are.... recent. Is this site outdated and run down? I watched Equilibrium for the first time a day ago, and like so many others, fell under its Spell. So here I am. However, I am trying to find an "active" community. Perhaps I am only looking in the wrong spots here? So much seems months and years old. Welcome Striker! Technically the right place to post initially is on the "introduction" thread under the "Resistance Discussions" part of the forum. But no big deal. You're correct in that this forum is somewhat "run down." Our webmistress GenJe hasn't been running things here for quite some time but a small group of us still soldier on regardless. Glad you enjoyed the movie. For myself it was through EQ and this forum that I met my husband, Aedh, so it is doubly special to me. Please feel free to start discussions or join in anywhere - the handful of us left will be happy to exchange thoughts and comments with you I'm sure.
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