Asking for help this Valentine's Day!

[aka Jack Torrence]

A call to all you poets: I need your help!

There's this girl I work with, who I've fancied pretty much since the first time I saw her, and I plan on sending her a card this February 14th, Valentine's Day. She knows how much I like her, and I even sent her one of my own poems a couple of months ago. (A mistake, I can see with the benefit of hindsight. She liked it, but it didn't have the intended effect.) I was on the brink of consummating my seduction when I totally, abysmally ruined it in one evening of drunken impulsivity . (Nothing too insulting, but I sent her some pretty nasty text messages, narrowly escaping a pummeling from her father in the process!). This was a few weeks ago, and she's only recently deigned to start talking to me again, partly thanks to my charm, but more because she is, despite her age and appearance (she's only 17, I'm 22), a sensitive girl, which was one of the things that attracted me to her.

Anyway, I'm smart enough to realise that the odds of reigniting her desire for me are very, very unpromising at this point. Moreover, I want to get over this girl once and for all, because though I do like her a lot, I don't want to waste my time chasing after her anymore. (I'm currently formulating a plan to seduce one of her best friends, but that's another story.)

So what I plan to do is, use Valentine's Day as an excuse to move on and forget about this girl. That's quite an unusual day to choose, I know, but it makes sense to me in some twisted way.

I want to send her a card with a poem telling her how I feel about her. I want to write a poem about unrequited love, but I don't want it to be too soppy. Only problem is, my poetry is below mediocre (if you don't believe me, just ask me to put up that other poem I sent her.) So if there's anyone here who would like to help me, I would be extremely grateful. Ideally, I'm hoping someone can write the poem for me! That's contemptibly lazy, I realise, but I thought I'd ask. Otherwise, I'll write the poem myself and take any feedback.

I know it's unreasonable to ask you to write a poem on my behalf, but I'm kind of stuck here. Anything will do, just a few stanzas or whatever. So please help! The girl's name is Jade, and I think it would be a good idea to somehow use that in the poem, maybe something about Jade being a precious stone, etc.

[Alice]

okey...
now, if she knows you, or ever gets to know you better then today, wont she discover that you didnt write the poem ?

Isnt it better to just read some poetry and pick a favourite and send it with a note saying something like "Im not a poet, but hey, atleast im smart enough not to try. "Yates"[Insert the writer] has the words I was looking for, so I will settle for quoting him" ?

Im not a poet either so I cant help you either way, good luck though!

[MisterAnderson]

Have you tried the famous Yeats poetry from Equilibrium on her yet?

That might work well on her...

[aka Jack Torrence]

okey...
now, if she knows you, or ever gets to know you better then today, wont she discover that you didnt write the poem?

She'd only know if I told her, and I simply wouldn't tell her.

Isnt it better to just read some poetry and pick a favourite and send it with a note saying something like "Im not a poet, but hey, atleast im smart enough not to try. "Yates"[Insert the writer] has the words I was looking for, so I will settle for quoting him"?

I think I'll do this. In fact I've already picked out such a poem and made some slight alterations to give the impression that I wrote it myself. Of course, I'm still going to make her think that I wrote it, though.

Have you tried the famous Yeats poetry from Equilibrium on her yet?

You mean this one?:

"I have spread my toes underneath you, Tread softly for you tread on my toes."

[Alice]

Ok...here are the reasons for why you will crash and burn (and you WILL crash and burn trying to pin your name on the poetry of others):
1. People hear a lot.
2. People read a lot.
3. Chicks dig poetry (so she'll prolly hear or read it sooner or later)
4. Chicks surf the net. She'll find her way to this thread sooner or later.

To illustrate what will happen to you upon crashing and burning I drew a little strip:





All in all. Its a bad idea.

[aka Jack Torrence]

Wow! Did you draw that especially for me, Alice? That's well funny! But how did you know I look like that?

1. People hear a lot.
2. People read a lot.
3. Chicks dig poetry (so she'll prolly hear or read it sooner or later)
4. Chicks surf the net. She'll find her way to this thread sooner or later.

1. Yes, people hear a lot.

2. She doesn't read a lot.

3. Yes, chicks dig poetry, but there's a very, very, very small likelihood that she'll ever get to read the one I'm sending her. Even if she does, I'll be long gone by then.

4. If she finds her way to this thread, I'll simply deny all knowledge of it. Two words: plausible deniability.

In any case, even if she did find out I borrowed another poet's work, I could easily talk my way out of it. Trust me, I can charm the bark off of a tree.

And lastly, it wouldn't bother me a great deal if it doesn't work. As I said earlier, I'm aiming to get over this girl, and it'd be better to go down in a blaze of glory! (Thanks Bon Jovi.)

[Alice]

aww well, the best of luck then

I drew you avatar, funny thing is, (I just love that tv-series btw) that I once had a boss who reminds pretty much of that guy

[aka Jack Torrence]

Cool. I didn't know they showed The Office in Sweden. I think most people know someone who reminds them of David Brent. ;D