Board Home | Search | Login The Resistance HQ :: Resistance Forums :: EC-10 Sense Offenses :: MaWa's new EQ poems Author Topic: MaWa's new EQ poems (Read 994 times) mawa Guest MaWa's new EQ poems « Thread Started on Mar 2, 2004, 6:33am » There will be three of them. To those who will comment here - I'd like to ask you to tell me, what do you like or dislike in these poems, so that I know what things I need to improve. Every constructive criticism is highly appreciated. If I should quit writing - don't hestitate to tell me. Yeah, perhaps I should have written that comment when I was posting my first two poems *sigh*. My bad... Ok, here they come: I There was a time When everything was simple When all the answers were known To me Till the day has come My former life was shattered Along with the broken dose The former me is gone Whole life of mine is buried With everything I believed in Now I'm left alone *** Emotions The enemy that came The one I can't defeat The one I do not understand The questions were unleashed So many of them Along with the one you asked me once Why am I alive The answer is beyond my reach You made me what I am And now you're gone Before I could see The point of my existence I wish I never felt II You're gone You left this world And all I could give you Were my tears I wish to follow you To the point of no return Where everything is clear III Exploring the abysmal lows I wonder What makes you want to feel Knowing that you'll die Likely from my hand Standing with my dose prepared To free myself from the inner pain Longing for relief Seeking clarity *** The dawn came Sunbeams lit the city Searching for every dark place Without missing anything They found me They reached the abyss I was in « Last Edit: Mar 2, 2004, 9:01am by mawa » Link to Post - Back to Top   Logged MAX Grammaton Cleric First Class member is offline The South Park Cleric Joined: Aug 2003 Gender: Male Posts: 947 Location: hidden Re: MaWa's new EQ poems « Reply #1 on Mar 2, 2004, 7:38am » They're great, MaWa! Quote: If I should quit writing - don't hesitate to tell me. I hope you're joking... Definitely don't stop. They sound like they're taken right out of Preston's personal diary... (Obviously Post-Libria) I especially like the clear reference to Mary: Quote: Along with the one you asked me once Why am I alive That was really great. The only thing I'd change is the word 'shatterred' to 'Shattered'. That's it. There's nothing I'd change. Jen will be proud to have them in the site's poetry section. Well done! Link to Post - Back to Top   Logged Xenia Onatopp- Bale Grammaton Cleric First Class member is offline A CB addict and an EQ junkie Joined: Nov 2003 Gender: Female Posts: 4,139 Location: in CB's bedroom Re: MaWa's new EQ poems « Reply #2 on Mar 2, 2004, 10:00am » Very moving, MaWa. Keep writing more!!!! Link to Post - Back to Top   Logged "Terrorism is the war of the poor. War is the terrorism of the rich."-an Iraqi protester. "Absolute power corrupts absolutely." from the novel Absolute Power by David Baldacci "There's so much month left at the end of the money"-CQ "Life is full of pain.Get used to it.-A Long Kiss Goodnight mawa Guest Re: MaWa's new EQ poems « Reply #3 on Mar 3, 2004, 5:10pm » Quote: They sound like they're taken right out of Preston's personal diary... (Obviously Post-Libria) When I wrote this I tried to think like Preston and feel like him. He's the character I identify very strongly with. Quote: I hope you're joking... Definitely don't stop. If you say so I'll be working on more of them. I didn't know that EQ combined with some dark ambient music would be such inspiring. Before writing these poems I haven't written anything for 6 years. Thanks, Max & Ona for your comments. They made my day Link to Post - Back to Top   Logged MAX Grammaton Cleric First Class member is offline The South Park Cleric Joined: Aug 2003 Gender: Male Posts: 947 Location: hidden Re: MaWa's new EQ poems « Reply #4 on Mar 3, 2004, 7:48pm » No, thank you. Link to Post - Back to Top   Logged baleheadnutcase Guest Re: MaWa's new EQ poems « Reply #5 on Mar 4, 2004, 11:56pm » So much love on this thread I really like it..believe it or not after I finish typing this post I'm going to go print it off... Link to Post - Back to Top   Logged MAX Grammaton Cleric First Class member is offline The South Park Cleric Joined: Aug 2003 Gender: Male Posts: 947 Location: hidden Re: MaWa's new EQ poems « Reply #6 on Mar 5, 2004, 9:13pm » Don't forget to frame it! Link to Post - Back to Top   Logged baleheadnutcase Guest Re: MaWa's new EQ poems « Reply #7 on Mar 5, 2004, 9:14pm » *mumbles*.. HEY... Now that's a great idea.... (no jokes) Link to Post - Back to Top   Logged mawa Guest Re: MaWa's new EQ poems « Reply #8 on Mar 6, 2004, 7:40am » Quote: believe it or not after I finish typing this post I'm going to go print it off... Wow, Balehead! It's nice to hear you liked them that much. Thanks! « Last Edit: Mar 6, 2004, 7:41am by mawa » Link to Post - Back to Top   Logged MAX Grammaton Cleric First Class member is offline The South Park Cleric Joined: Aug 2003 Gender: Male Posts: 947 Location: hidden Re: MaWa's new EQ poems « Reply #9 on Mar 6, 2004, 8:02am » And she's not the only one... Link to Post - Back to Top   Logged Xenia Onatopp- Bale Grammaton Cleric First Class member is offline A CB addict and an EQ junkie Joined: Nov 2003 Gender: Female Posts: 4,139 Location: in CB's bedroom Re: MaWa's new EQ poems « Reply #10 on Mar 6, 2004, 10:30am » Quote: Thanks, Max & Ona for your comments. They made my day You made our day too, our dear friend. Link to Post - Back to Top   Logged "Terrorism is the war of the poor. War is the terrorism of the rich."-an Iraqi protester. "Absolute power corrupts absolutely." from the novel Absolute Power by David Baldacci "There's so much month left at the end of the money"-CQ "Life is full of pain.Get used to it.-A Long Kiss Goodnight Agi Grammaton Cleric member is offline Joined: Aug 2003 Gender: Female Posts: 154 Re: MaWa's new EQ poems « Reply #11 on Mar 7, 2004, 1:43pm » I must admit that I don’t know much about poetry, especially written in English, so no constructive criticism from me, MaWa. However, one thing appeals to me: I like the cohesive and clear form of your poem. Seems like you had some experience in writing or maybe that means you simply have a talent. Either way, you doing great, but that’s what was previously said in this thread Link to Post - Back to Top   Logged mawa Guest Re: MaWa's new EQ poems « Reply #12 on Mar 7, 2004, 4:11pm » Quote: one thing appeals to me: I like the cohesive and clear form of your poem. Wow, that is a very valuable compliment, Agi. Thanks! I try to write in as clear way as possible, without using any unnecessary ornaments. I believe that this way I am able to express more and with greater impact than writing in a too poetical way. And, what's interesting, the English language seems to help me in this task. It seems to be much more precise and compact than the Polish language. Quote: Seems like you had some experience in writing or maybe that means you simply have a talent. Yes, I had some experience. Earlier I've written some poetry. When I showed once one of my first attempts to someone, this person said: "Too much words. It's too wordy". I kept that in mind. « Last Edit: Mar 7, 2004, 4:13pm by mawa » Link to Post - Back to Top   Logged Forum Jump--------------------» Home--------------------» ----------------------------------------» Resistance Forums--------------------- Resistance Discussions- Freedom Reading Room- Gun Kata- EC-10 Sense Offenses--------------------» Equilibrium MOD: Hall of Mirrors--------------------- Equilibrium MOD & Gamers Forum- Hall of Mirrors Project (Private)- MOD Testing (Private)--------------------» The Nethers (off-topic forums)--------------------- Nethers Pub- One Man's Vision --- UltraViolet- Cleric Bale Bonding- Evidentiary Reports- Hall of Destruction--------------------» Archive--------------------- Archive- Project EQ (currently shut down)